Black...

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Just happen to see the the video today which started it all…
Not the fallen hero legacy, but me sitting down and scripting the fallen hero prophecies.

Black….
That's when it all started…
A couple of years back. When i was in the call center, working as a junior rep.
I met her..
Young, very charismatic, full of enthusiasm, full of curves.
She was like one of those latina chicks.
Dark, curvaceous, full of life and full of flesh.
I, on the other hand, recovering from a series of failed relationships, instantly fell for her.
Then i came to know her better. What she had gone through...
Both of us, oblivious to the fact of what she would soon be going through with me..

This is how i would describe her in 42 alphabets.... (detailed analysis, coming soon...)
Married at 18, birth of 1st child at 19, Divorced at 20

And standing there all in black, from the top to bottom.
This is how i would describe her in 1 word....
Black.

Right in front of me at age 21. All optimistic and full of energy...
A wife without a husband, a child without a father, a wedding gown gone waste
along with the dreams of living a happy married life.
All gone, vanished, invisibalised, dissaperared into thin air.
Social trauma, family distress, peer pressure... let's not even get into that.
It would take great courage to face that.
For me to face her, and for her to face the world. All alone.

And that's exactly where i entered into her life.

I gave her my shoulder, where she could rest her head on,
when my other hand went behind her back.

I gave her my hand, when she needed support,
and my lips kissed her on the neck.

I wiped the tears from her eyes when she used to cry
but my eyes were only on her curves.

It's not as if i used her...
She wanted someone, something beside her.
And i used to be there for her.
She enjoyed my company, because i, unlike her ex-husband, used to listen to her,
cuddle her, give her attention, basically showed her that i loved her.
But actually, i didn't,
I had my own personal agenda here.
I wanted her physically, and we had the opportunity a lot of times.
But i couldn't just do it.
Something inside me stopped us from doing it.
It was a very unusual feeling.
You know something like, you always want something, and you work very hard for it
and then you finally are on the verge of getting it and then you blow it all up because
something inside you, tells you.... "No, this is not right"
and you just want that thing to get the fuck outof your mind, but  it dosen't.

Annoyed, dissapointed, dissatisfied and frustrated
started the drinking problem.....Again.
I used to get drunk, that's when i understood the meaning of chronic alcoholism.
After getting piss drunk, completely out of my senses.
My hand used to reach for my phone and I used to call her and talk shit.
This used to usually start at 2 or 3 am, early morning, infact, very early morning
And used to go uptil about 4 or 5 am. I used to talk absolute non-sense. gibberish.
It was like i was in my dream.

"Remember the time when i asked you to come and stay with me. Where i would make sure that you would have everything you ever dreamt of and be the happiest woman ever and the only thing i asked in return was that you keep your son in the boarding school, somewhere far, away from us".

The only thing..??
That was probably everything for you.
On one side was her baby boy and on the other side was a fairy tale story with me the fallen hero being her knight in shining armour. She only had one choice to make. One chance to take.

One call, Fold or All in.
She tapped her fingers and Checked....

I dunno what her motive was.

That's exactly why i am a fallen hero.
Just Imagine....
Firstly i disturb her peace of mind in the middle of the night,
Then i fight with her and verbally abuse her,
Then i apologize to her and give her a sweet chocolate by promising to be with her and
love her through out my life till death part us apart..... huh.
Then i ask her to part ways with her son.
and then i think
" Why is she listening to me, why is she doing this for me
What could her motive be...?? "

I still fail to understand what was her motive behind taking all that shit from me.
Not once, not twice, but week after week, month after month.
This went on for years...

I used to crib, then fight, then probably cry… definitely cry…
And she,  I still dunno how,  used make me quiet
and put me to sleep…right there talking over the phone.

Just like  a mother, putting  her crying, wailing, baby back to sleep…
I dunno how, the fallen hero still questions
But then, of all the people, the mother always knows.
And she was  one of the best mothers on this side of the planet.
The fallen hero can vouch for that.

I was like her second baby, always whinning, always demanding…
But never understanding.
I never understood….
Maybe I never tried, maybe we never tried.
Maybe there was no point in trying…
But deep down...
and that’s not deep down enough, cause I don’t go down there,
Infact, haven’t been down there since 2005. Anyways….
She understood me...

I always crack jokes, I always laugh when there is a sad moment
I always kill it. I always kill it with a gag….

Kill me black...

But somehow she went… far away… atleast that’s what I tell myself..
I know that she is just 10 numbers away, but then it would be 100% wouldn’t it
And that would kill the fallen hero… I said kill me black… not kill the fallen hero.

Nobody can kill the fallen hero…. Because the legacy will continue…

Because whenever a black will disappear and the so called, self proclaimed hero has no one to call to, to talk to, to cry infront of, to crib, to fight, and to let go of all his stress and tensions, somebody will continue the fallen hero legacy..

For every fallen hero, that exists in this world,
There is a black, somewhere close by.
And they shall never-ever be together.
Because of the fallen hero gets his black then he got what he wanted...Right..??
And then it would be one hundred percent, which would exclude him from being a fallen hero.
because the hero has fallen because he was 99% somewhere... sometime.

Now, do you get it….Do u get the fallen hero….

I didn’t make him, he was already there…
I just revived him…

The fallen hero….
99% is in my blood….

Fallenisms : August 2010

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Fallenisms is a completely non original piece of dark side of the human satire or otherwise. Copied, ripped, pirated, flicked, translated, hacked, derived, assumed and imitated short takes on life through the eyes of the fallen hero…
Nothing is original, Not even me,
Atleast that’s what I tell myself…
                                                             -- The fallen hero



"I am a joker, most men play with two balls,
                                       i juggle with three..."



 "Fighting for peace is like fucking to get back virginity"


                 "Rarely does a loose woman
                                                   have a tight pussy"


                               An I for an I means that there is only me…


     "Jiska Baap Ek Uski Baat Ek..."


"Commitment is not an answer to a successful relationship,
                                          it’s the question, the answer is NO"

DSP Black, Thums Up..!!

It took me a 187.5ml of DSP Black and 800ml of Thums up to unveil the concept of the fallen hero. Ironically, It was highly appreciated, by a person, highly oblivious to the concept of alcohol.

It's so difficult to type after drinking. Typing on a 10” lenovo S10 is such a pain. I so need a bigger and better computer. But then, everybody needs so much more. Life is all about wants. Listening to this track, lying on my bed, with the lenovo on my tummy. so clean after such a long time, not the tummy, the bed. Finally, as if the wife had  appeared after some magic. My life seemed so perfect. All of us, always have something or the other to crib about, but I have none.

Because after all the buck stops here. Got another 16 months to go before it all stops here at my desk. All right things are supposed to happen, and all wrongs lead to me. I am the most overpaid person here. One slip on my side makes me lalit modi, but I handle this million dollar baby.

I hope you understand sweetheart, coz one of us has to and I haven’t...
You could be d*****, but you definitely are not. Not at least now.
I could have done it. How difficult was it..??  had it  not been difficult, then it was not love in the first place. But maybe it was never love. Probably because we never expressed it. Maybe it was love from my side. Maybe from my side it was just an excuse. To get rid of relationships, by comparing every other woman that came my way, to you, an imaginary person, who actually existed... in my dreams…
D***** this is for you…
99% is in my blood… and somehow, before everyone, you sensed it...

I didn’t miss you
I didn’t cry
Pain did not kill me
Just made me tougher

It is what it is,
It is what it is meant to be
It is what it will be
It is what we all shall see...

I dunno why,…. But after all these years…
After all those relationships, all those commitments, all those wasted years and the mangalsutra.
I dunno why my heart goes out to you, I dunno what it is about you…
One word…….. D******…… or is it the….. shall end it here, half way through.
It was getting interesting wasn’t it……
Probably not..!!

That’s always the way it is…
Coz’ 99% is in my blood.

It's where it all started...

99% is in my blood.

I have this dream, it may be true…
But after all life is a dream… and for some it does comes true.
Probably even for me…but not for the fallen hero.

I am on a mountain.
Beautiful and serene, lush green with the aroma of freedom.
It was tough getting up here.
Beat all odds to reach here on top. Now, enjoying every breath of it.
Oblivious to what I had left behind, much below.
There is great turmoil below. politics galore. Good vs bad. Innocent vs the guilty.
That’s when I first looked down.
Realizing what I had left behind, realizing where I had come from, realizing that there were innocent people below with their arms stretched upwards, looking up to me. Looking up to be where I was.
At that moment, i was like their savior.
It was me who could save the innocent from being overpowered by the guilty.
The hands stretched upwards for help. Help from the guilty, help from the person who had made the innocent guilty and had given the guilty the power to overpower the innocent.
Help is all they asked for, one by one before they succumbed to the guilty.
Help is what I wanted to give; I had to stop it somewhere. I had to put an end to this misery.
How difficult is it when you are up there and have the power to bring them up to you
or leave them down there.
I left them… down there….

One last time, they asked for my help…. I didn’t

The fallen hero…
99% is in my blood….

Prelude to the fallen hero

It all started in 2002, been almost eight years now.
But feels as if it all just happened yesterday.
Outside college, smoking with friends, the unexpected appearance,
the sudden disappearance, the last rickshaw, the bus ride home.
That's when i experienced my 1st debacle. the first time i had a fall.
Since then, year on year, one experience after the other and the time and again
it started piling up.. until the time i thought  "hey loser..!! why not sit down and write it up..."

I started writing thing down, experience, incidents, occurrences, observations
as to how the failed always fail.. again and again.
I believe it is not luck or destiny which defines success or failure, but it is in my hands
to decide my fate... but how much time do i have in hand...

Disclaimer : What the fallen hero is not..!!

• The fallen hero is not some fantasy character who will win eventually and everyone will stand up and clap loud after paying through their noses earlier for the multiplex ticket and popcorn.
• The fallen hero is not a motivational character who will motivate those, down with "demovitatilitis". People sulking about how life was ungrateful to them and how they missed the last train and had to piss on the tracks.
• The fallen hero is not some fictional guy i dreamt up about after having crabs for dinner.
• The fallen hero is not someone, you will not identify with.

Then who is this guy......??

The fallen hero is just a plain simple guy, who wanted to be something, but couldn't do it....
he had his up's & down's. high's & low's, he used to be sad after every debacle, but eventually he realised that it's not all that bad down here. Here, where all the other fallen heroes reside. Practically everywhere.
As per my economics, for every hero there are about 27,02,1982 fallen heroes across the world.
Strange isn't it. and the irony is that nobody writes about them.
There is not a single  movie o a book,
Not even a damn website about those who tried and lost....
So here i am, this fallen hero here,
blogging everyday occurrences, experiences, incidents
through the eyes of the fallen hero.


About : 99% is in my blood
Every person wants to give 100%
In sales, we might be forced or compelled to give 110%,
but usually when we fall down, before standing up again,
if we analyze the situation ourselves, lying there on the ground, we shall realise that we did
not put our 100%. There was an iota of lesser effort from our side in whatever endeavour
we were engaged in or pursuing.

This happens first time. After repeated such falling down instances, we usually get used to it,
and half-heartedly try again to get up, try not to get noticed, try not to be a laughing stock again, try not
to fall again... but in vain, we never get up again....
and 99% get's in our blood.
meaning....

We try very very hard not to fail...
but we never try 100% to win.



Warm Regards,
The Fallen hero
99% is in my blood.