Saturday, October 8, 2011

Deja Vu : My phone is checked again...

25th September 2011

“Whom were you talking to..??”
"When",  i asked in a perplexed tone.

"Just right now...", she asked me angrily.
"Why", i replied rhetorically.

"Don’t act smart… just tell me right now, whom were you talking to..??", 
My bebby insisted on knowing the answer now...

" Yeah, why don't you just tell her and finish it off".
Her BFF added coyly to my misery.

But this was just the beginning...
"Why don't you just show her your phone ??  
Let her find out on her own. Are you scared of anything ??  
Do you have anything to hide ??  Are you hiding anything from her ??
Just tell her the truth and let's just enjoy the night...".
My Bebby's BFF further added and ended the glory...

Without warning, without intention, 
Without a purpose and without grabbing attention..
It was a complete Deja Vu : Someone wanted to check my phone again...

I sat back, with my phone in my hand & reminiscing at my apathy, I just grinned.
"Don’t laugh… whom were you talking to…" my bebby asked me again.
"It's a simple question, isn't it. Just answer my fuckin question, will you" 

 I knew the answer, They didn't.
 I could have told them but i didn't.
 I had learnt my lesson, it was about time they learnt their's...

There was no particular reason for not replying to my bebby's fuckin question.
But it's just that I did not want this one, to become a habit...
I didn't want to repeat my mistake... 
A mistake which took me almost 7 years to forget...
I wasn't ready to renew my wounds, not yet...

The Logic
I believe, we are just plain simple human beings and we all make mistakes.
But we have to learn from our mistakes
And not repeat the same mistakes again.
Being simple humans, we should be allowed to make mistakes
But since we have brains we should atleast remember
our previous mistakes and not repeat them again and again.

There is always a first time
Seven years ago..
In conversation with my cancer patient...

"whom were you talking to..."
"Arrey love, Nothing important, I was just talking to my boss at office".
"is she a woman...", the cancer patient asked me rhetorically.

I didn’t reply, but I sensed where this was going...

"She’s a girl isn’t she ??
A nice hot chick, just the way you like it, don't you ?? 
She likes to call her juniors in the night and discuss work with them, doesn't she ??
That bitch... i have seen that fuckin whore... you like to sleep with her don't you ??
Answer me, don't just stand there like a fuckin loser, answer my fuckin question ?? 

 I knew the answer, she knew the answer.
 But I had never imagined what would happen next...

She took my phone and threw it on the floor...
The phone broke, it was a cheap reliance phone.

The monetary loss didn’t matter to me...
Not because it was cheap or not because I was rich
But because what mattered to me was 
the Erratic behavior of the woman whom I had loved.

Was I going to live my entire life life with a person
Who didn't trust me and more importantly who didn't respect other people,
Who had no sense of sensibility and who could bomb me 
Anywhere, Anytime and blast at the drop of a hat.

It’s like living with a grenade with the pin removed…
One wrong move &  KABOOM..!!

Last night, At my Bebby's BFF's house, the same thing happened…
People checked my phone..

They found nothing..
How could they...

I was just talking to my doctor..
What’s wrong with that...

Check my phone if you want to..
You will find nothing..

There is nothing… absolutely nothing..
Which you all, will ever find in your entire respective lives...
To point a finger at the fallenhero. Period.

I am the fallenhero
I am senseless and shameless, 
I go to people’s houses, Drink in their glasses, watch their tv, 
Sit on their Daddy’s chair, and enjoy the entire show...

They say, life is a stage and you gotta put on your best act 
because everyone is constantly watching and judging this reality show called "LIFE".
I believe that all acts (good or bad) are just results of the fact that..
Everyone just wants to put on a damn good show..

I was never good at acting
So I just behave natural & people believe that I am a natural actor..

I am not a natural actor…
I am just another natural human being who gets really hurt at certain things.
For Satan's sake i am just a fuckin fallenhero.
Here, check my phone again..
Let's do a Treja Vu here.
It's not that i was scared, i just don't care.
Because thefallenhero was not lying…

Trying to rise again...
Trying to increase the 99% by a little again...